


The Shelob effect

by ravenditefairylights



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, Well - Freeform, and melkor has a lot of explaining to do, angbang, as domestic as angband can be, auntie thuringwethil, dunno why, it's kinda domestic, like why he suddenly has a kid, mairon and melkor are shelob's dads pass it on, mairon gets jealous, mairon is not amused, melkor can't decorate, sassy thuringwethil, spiderfisting, they all do, thuringwethil curses like a sailor, uncle gothmog, with a giant spider no less
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 17:26:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13104993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenditefairylights/pseuds/ravenditefairylights
Summary: Melkor and Ungoliant had a thing and now there's Shelob. The Angband gang decides to raise her.





	The Shelob effect

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I actually wrote this. This is based on the spiderfisting ship that started on tumblr. I'm adding the tags later. I's Rated T because of swearing. They swear a lot, i dunno why.
> 
> For @straightouttahimring who requested sassy AF Thuringwethil, I hope I satisfied.

Mairon loved his master. He really did. For centuries, for as long as Melkor was imprisoned in Aman, Mairon had tirelessly worked to strengthen Angband. He had made an army large enough to compete with the entire Arda. He had made the fortress strong enough to withhold any enemy, he had made it a terrain impossible to walk through save only for those that belonged into it. And for thousands of years he had insisted on the return of their master.

  
However _this_ , was not what he was expecting.

  
First, he had to send the Balrogs to go save Melkor from Ungoliant who apparentely proved to be a giant evil spider, go figure. This was not on his to-do list. And neither was treating Melkor's burned hands and promising to make him an iron crown for three shiny rocks, but here they were.

  
 _"What_ , exactly did you do again?" Mairon asked as he finished wrapping the bandages around Melkor's scarred hands he could no longer use without bearing awful pain. Melkor winced and inspected them silently, turning them around.

  
"I killed their king and stole their jewels." He said with ease. At least he had the decency to look sheepish.

Mairon sighed. "That part I understood, but _why?"_

  
"It was fun?" Melkor shrugged and offered Mairon a self-consious smile.

  
"Your hands are burned and half of Valinor is hunting you down, what part of this exactly was fun?" Mairon raised a fine eyebrow in question.

  
"I got to ride a giant spider, that was fun." There was something in Melkor's tone, something in the way he pointedly avoided to look at him that told Mairon that there was a slightly different meaning between the lines.

"Got to ride a giant spider _how?"_ Mairon asked. Melkor would not meet his eyes. "Melkor." Mairon's voice bordered on dangerously concealed anger. _"What._ Did you do?"

Melkor gulped, and when he finally met Mairon's eyes, his own were filled with shame and guilt. "Mairon, my love, you know how much I appreciate and treasure you-" he made a movement as if to encircle him in his arms, but Mairon took a step back and slapped his hands away.

 _"What did you do Melkor?"_ He asked again, and his yellow cat-like eyes flashed in a way that suggested this would not end well for the Vala.

"I... well, I had to promise her something since I wanted her to help me steal the silmarills, and so I said anything, but I didn't actually mean _anything-"_

_"Melkor."_

"Yes, right." Melkor rubbed his neck, only to recoil his hands with a hiss of pain a moment later. Mairon did not feel sorry for him. "Well you see..."

* * *

_"YOU DID WHAT?"_

  
"Mairon love, please-" Melkor tried to approach the furious Maia, but Mairon pushed him away.

  
 _"No._ Don't you Mairon love _me."_ The lieutenant said angrily. "You mean to tell me, that while I was here working my ass off to make your fortress great, to convince all your followers that you were coming back, that you were in Aman having fun with the Quendi and _fooling around with a giant spider?"_

Melkor cringed. "Look, I-"

"You _what?"_ Mairon pushed him hard. "You _what_ , Melkor?" Before the Vala could answer, Mairon went on venomously. "You decided to have fun with the first person available since I wasn't there? Am I that important to you that you just replaced me so easily?"

  
"Replace you? Mairon no-" Melkor moved forward a step, but Mairon threw him a ball of flame which he barely managed to side-step.

  
"Did you leave me here to do your dirty job while you were-" Mairon stopped abruptly, and for a moment he stood completely still, and Melkor was horrified to see his eyes glitter.

"No, Mairon _no."_ He said, his voice taking that soft tone only Mairon knew it could take. "It wasn't like that, I promise it wasn't. I would never replace you. Ungoliant was a giant spider, and I needed her to help me. It was a way to get what I wanted and nothing more." His hands came hesitantly to rest on his lieutenat's shoulders.

  
"Yeah right." Mairon said and shrugged him off. This time however, Melkor grabbed him and did not let go. His cupped the Maia's face with his hands, and he did not care about the pain.

  
"I mean it." He said. "It was nothing, it meant _nothing._ I would never replace you, and definitely not with _her._ I love _you_ , Mairon."

  
The Vala's icy blue eyes were honest, and something in Mairon's yellow ones softened. Melkor knew he had been forgiven -well, as much as Mairon was able to forgive. He would never get to hear the end of his bitching, but at least he was no longer mad at him.

"Asshole." Mairon punched him and Melkor grinned a little. "I'm still mad at you." He stated.

  
"Yes, well, this is not all." Melkor said. "You see, there's this small complication..."

"Complication?" Mairon's eyes narrowed.

"She may... there may have been a kid."

 _"A kid?"_ Mairon asked, incredulity lacing his every syllabe.

"Yes." Melkor grimaced. Mairon sighed.

"I hate you." He declared. "How _giant_ spider are we talking about?"

* * *

Melkor came back with a small baby spider in his arms the next week.

  
"I hope you had no delays this time." Mairon's voice sounded from behind him.

  
"Ha ha." Melkor said. "Very funny."

  
"So this is the... kid?" The Maia asked with raised eyebrows. Ever since Melkor came back, Mairon had been wearing all the cloaks that complimented his silouette the most, and then he spent all day flirting with him, but never letting things go any further than that. It was driving Melkor crazy. Not to mention that he had been sleeping on the couch ever since he got back.

  
"Yes, Shelob." Melkor said, gazing down at the black buntle in his arms.

  
"And what are we going to do with it?"

  
"Her." Melkor corrected.

  
"Excuse me?"

  
"What are we going to with her." Melkor repeated. Mairon took one look at the way his master was looking at the baby spider and cringed.

  
"Oh _no_. You have to be kidding me."

* * *

"Gothmog, where were you when I was searching for you all morning?" Mairon asked irritably, looking up from his papers at the Blarog that just entered his office.

  
"I was helping Melkor redecorate." Gothmog said lightly.

Mairon freezed. Everything in Angband had been designed by him alone, precisely because it had to be perfect. Melkor would never do something without asking him first.

  
"What do you mean redecorate?" He asked carefully. Gothmog sent him a look that clearly said _go see for yourself_ and Mairon left the office, grumbling under his breath.

  
When he reached the doors to the throne room, he noticed that the two guards standing outside him had plastic things on the sharp tips of their weapons.

  
"What," he asked in the tone that everyone in Angband knew meant he was started to get angry, "are those ridiculous things?"

  
The orcs guards looked at each other, clearly uncomfortable and obvioulsy intimindated.

  
"It was Lord Melkor's idea, my lord." One of them said uneasily. Mairon wasted no time pushing the double iron doors open.

  
Melkor was sitting on his throne, playing with Shelob who was currently occupying the space of Mairon's throne.

  
"What are exactly do you think you're doing?" He asked, coming to stand in front of them.

  
Melkor had the nerve to look puzzled. "Doing? I am-"

  
"Making the guards' weapons completely useless!" Mairon exploded. "And what's up with the redecorating Gothmog mentioned?"

  
"Well, they are related." Melkor said. "Gothmog and I decided that the fortress wasn't safe enough for Shelob so we-"

  
"Of course it's not safe, it's a fortress of darkness!" Mairon threw his hands up in exasperation. "They is _no way_ you are putting plastic things on the sharp weapon tips."

  
"They're called-"

  
"I don't care." The Mairon glared. "You can put restrictions on Shelob and limit the patrols on certain corridors, as well as have someone watch after her, but you will _not_ ruin everything I have worked to make here, _you listen to me?"_

* * *

"I heard Mel is being stupid again." Thuringwethil said as she landed on the balcony beside him.

  
"He wants to invalidate all of my guards and make the entire fortress with plastic things on sharp edges and have all of us walk on bubblewrapping.

"Tough change." Thuringwethil did not sound much sympathetic as she inspected her claws.

  
"Will you be Shelob's babysitter?" Mairon asked suddenly.

  
Thuringwethil blinked. "What?"

  
"Please be Shelob's babysitter!" Mairon pleaded. "I cannot stand to see this fortress diminish because of a baby spider, and the plastic things clash horribly with the rest of the architecture!"

  
"What a disaster." The vampire rolled her eyes.

  
"Thil please." Mairon pressed. Thuringwethil kept his stare for a moment, before giving into his puppy dog eyes.

  
"Ughhh fine!" She said, throwing her hands up. "I will be a stupid babysitter."

  
"YES!" Mairon cried in delight and gave her a quick hug. "I own you one Thil."

Thuringwethil smirked. "Well, I know a kind of favor you can do for me." She said in a downright flirty tone and took a step closer to him. Mairon's grin did not even falter.

  
"Melkor will _kill_ you." He said. "He'll kill both of us."

  
Thuringwethil tossed her hair and twirled a lone strand in her fingers. "He's not going to kill you, you are much too important to him. Besides, after what he did, he has no right to do that."

"True." Mairon agreed. "Still, you're the only smart one among these dickheads Thil."

  
"Of course I am." Thuringwethil smiled. "Now, how about you give me the little demon?"

* * *

They found Shelob in the council room. The baby spider was playing with the figures they used to create strategies. As soon as she saw them, she jumped up and run towards Mairon with a cry of "Daddy!"

  
Mairon went very, very still. He slowly detatched Shelob from him and all but run out of the room. Thuringwethil and Shelob followed him. The Maia run to his chambers and locked the door behind him with a more force than necessary. That did not stop the vampire, who immediately started banging on said door like a lunatic.

  
"Open up you dickheaded idiot!" She yelled through the wood. "Don't listen to this." She told Shelob before continuing her verbal attack at Mairon. "You can't just close yourself in there you vain perfectionist! You own me a favor so be a bloody man and get your ass out here and deal with your kid 'cause I'm not in the mood to deal with your issues!"

  
"What happened?" Gothmog asked, coming from down the corridor, being attracted by the loud noise.

  
"Go find that asshole Mel and tell him that his boyfriend is dying." Thuringwethil said. "Come on Shelob darling, let's go outside to play." She said and flew out the window with a giggling spider in her arms.

* * *

Gothmog had never seen Melkor run somewhere faster. He had not even finished his sentence and the Vala was already running out of the room.

  
"Mai?" He asked pounding his fists on the door. "Mairon let me in!"

  
When there was no response from the room, Melkor just went inside in his own way, by very conviniently breaking the door down. Mairon was sitting on the bed, starring at the hall with a detached expression.

  
"Mairon!" Melkor shook his by the shoulders. The Maia turned to look at him with the same expression of detatched panic.

  
"She called me daddy." Mairon said. "Shelob called me daddy."

  
Melkor blinked. "That's a good thing, right?"

  
"No!" Mairon yelled. "No, it's not a good thing! It means I'm a dad. It means I'm going old and soft with age. This is not happening, I hate children!"

  
"You're not going soft." Melkor assured him. "You're just as cruel and terrifying as ever, love."

  
"I'm going old." Mairon insisted.

  
"We exist since the begginging of everything, we're all old." Clearly, that was not the answer Mairon was expecting, because he glared daggers at Melkor.

  
"See?" Melkor asked. "This right here." He pointed at his eyes with his finger. "You're not going old." His master continued, putting a strang of the red-gold hair behind his ear. "You are my best commander, my most skilled warrior, my lieutenant. We're both dads, it's not a bad thing."

  
"For you maybe." Mairon muttered.

  
"Come on!" Melkor grinned. "You know you love her."

  
"I don't hate her." Mairon admitted. "And you are totally replacing that door."

* * *

"So did you two sort your shit out?" Thuringwethil asked.

  
"Thil!" Gothmog scolded. "Watch your language in front of the kid."

Thuringwethil gave the Barlog a chilling glare.

  
"Yes." Mairon answered.

  
"Auntie Thil took me to see Thangorodrim!" Shelob said with excitement.

  
"That's great!" Melkor said with a grin, and lifted her off the ground, settling her into his arms. "Did you like it?"

  
Mairon and Gothmog exchaged a look, and with a shake if both their heads they sat down next to Melkor and Thuringwethil and listened her recount every single thing they did.


End file.
